I Cheated Death
by Teagie227
Summary: They thought they knew exactly what happened. Really, they did. Which I thought was hilarious. No real parings in here, sorry. I know, two Grima-centric fics in a row. But I just couldn't resist not working on this one right away. This is my last I promise! Pretty pretty please review because I'll be your best friend if you do!
1. The Funeral They Thought Was Accurate

**I know, I know, two fics for the same character in a row. I'm nuts. But I had this idea very late at night or very early in the morning depending on who you are and I just couldn't resist. Please don't flame too much for not stepping outside my bubble. :/. Enjoy! (I think)**

It was never going to last, he said. They would eventually find out, he said. And I looked at the body that had been shipped off to visit home for the last time. I hadn't kept tabs on him for years. Maybe, even, a decade at least. Shot down by Hobbits. Dreadful business. I wondered what exactly he had done to get "me" in this situation. My brother's body lay dead on a slab and I wanted answers. How long had I been hiding away? Was it 13 years? I couldn't even remember how old I was. Much less did I care.

I had money enough. So I sent a message by two runners. One to the oh-so-favorited King of Gondor, and one to The White Wizard. Then I played the waiting game.

"Does it hurt?" Seraphina asked. "To lose him like that, I mean."

I was silent for a long time. "I need to make some arrangements for the funeral." And I left her there with the mangled remains of my brother.

"Gareth, wait." I didn't. She didn't follow me.

He was buried in true northern fashion. Burned atop a crudely constructed pile of wood. It was the one thing I hated about this place. But everything else suited me just fine.

I hadn't had a buyer or a case in weeks and I was getting restless. The only thing that kept me from going crazy was the comfort in the idea that by now, Gandalf and Aragorn would be reading my message, dropping their morning tea on the floor so that it shattered on stone, mouths wide with shock. The idea made me laugh. A few weeks and they'd be rushing to my door, saying, "What the Hell is this?", and holding up a piece of parchment to my face, which read,

_Very critical information available on the whereabouts of Grima Wormtongue, for a price._

_For more information, 347 Warhoth Street, Alyshire, Palarin._

_Signed,_

_G.W_

__**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

"Gareth, some scary looking warrior-types at the front door for you."

I grabbed my crossbow. _Showtime!_

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**_  
_

**Ooh. This is gonna be a really fun thing to write. Although, I feel this may be escalating a bit quickly. But oh well! It pleases me.**


	2. The Wrong Brother

I'll have to be honest, I was a bit ticked when more than two people showed up at my flat. But I don't really blame them for bringing Eomer and Eowyn with them. They waited uncomfortably in the foyer. I stood in the shadows for a while watching them squirm. Then, I stepped out.

"Please," I said. "Come upstairs." I lead them to my floor, shutting the door behind them.

"Gareth?" Eomer asked.

"Wrong brother, you hateful bastard." The door clicked.

"But you," He breathed. "You're not Gareth, you have to be Grima."

I was a bit surprised he said anything. I would have thought for sure Eowyn would have a word in. But she stood there, looking at her feet. "Perfectly adequate deduction, but I was hoping you'd follow up with the rest."

"You," He looked down, obviously confused. "You were shot. Three times. I _saw_ you."

"Maybe I'm just a fast healer."

"You were dead. I checked." He said.

I sucked in air through my teeth. "Oh, that explains the knife marks. That wasn't me."

"It _was _you." Eowyn said, finally. "It _was._"

"Identification is only as accurate as what you're convinced of and that. Wasn't. Me." I pulled out chairs at the table and motioned for them all to sit. Eomer was pissed. Gandalf, speechless. Eowyn, terrified, and Aragorn, well, he was just Aragorn.

"Who was it, then?" Gandalf asked.

"That was my brother. That was Gareth."

"How long has this been going on?" Eomer's voice shook with rage.

"13 years."

"13 years?! For 13 years, you've lied to us? You damn near killed our uncle and overthrew our government!" Eowyn yelled at me. She was trying to frighten me. I could tell. I could always tell. But the days when I was easily frightened were now over. In that 13 years, I had seen things they would never believe could actually happen.

"Wasn't me." I said.

"Well," She calmed down a bit. "You don't look like him." I was slightly taller, and over the years I had lost weight and had been freed up to take better care of myself.

"We used to look exactly the same. Which is why our switch was so obviously successful. I know, when I left, you were 10," I told Eowyn. "And you were 14," I looked at Eomer. "But you honestly didn't pick up on the one BIG difference between me and my brother?" That's when they realized. Gareth was 10 years my senior. And one other thing, my eyes were cerulean and they always have been. I scoffed. "Morons."

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

"Explain." Eomer demanded. "We're all waiting."

It had been 1 and 1/2 month. I refused to talk until everyone they called to council had arrived. Around the table at the dining hall of Edoras sat Eowyn, Gandalf the White, Lord Elrond, Lord Celeborn, King Aragorn, Faramir, and Eomer, right in front of me, peering into my soul. The windows had been covered with sheets to darken the room, and they had tied me to a chair.

I paid no heed to Eomer's demands and looked around the room. "Well, this is unnecessarily dramatic."

"I could kill you. You know, if you don't tell us what we need to hear." Eomer threatened.

I looked straight into his eyes. "Oh, don't be ridiculous." I said. Everyone at the table seemed shocked and confused. "You don't even know what I do for a living now, do you? I'm a killer. And it gets worse, I'm a killer with a_ lot_ of friends. I've got people here. Well, I've got people everywhere. _Well, _my brother has people everywhere, he even has elf-people, but, fat lot of good they're gonna do him now, eh?"

"What elf in their right mind would help you?" _("puny human." I thought in a dolt-ish voice in the back of my head.)_ Celeborn asked.

"Elves that aren't in their right mind, of course." I said. "And even if dying at the hands of my people wouldn't make a difference to you… don't for a second act like you aren't _dying _to know _exactly _what's going on."

"You and your brother fancied a switch, isn't that it?" Faramir asked.

"No, there's much more than that." I said, I freed myself from the bonds with quick, smooth precision and leaned forward. "So, let me start from the beginning."

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

**Agh! Another cliff hanger. Two in a row, I'm a bad person. I'm so sorry! Stay tuned to uncover the exciting, complicated, layer-y truth behind my little brain-child!**

**P.S- I know, these are short chapters, it's a new formatting style I'm gonna try. Let me know if it works alright paired with my writing style.**


	3. The Scandal Part 1

_I'm dying. _I think as I shut the door to my quarters. The second the latch clicks, I fall to the floor, and start coughing up blood. _Disgusting. _I've been getting paler, and weaker. Everything in my body hurts. I have to do something, but what? I walk, half-bent-over, towards my bed and lay flat on my back. I'm out like a light.

When I wake up it's night. As I walk the corridors of the palace, the idea hits me. _Call for Gareth. He's stronger. He'll last longer._

"Oi, you." I call to a servant girl named Aria. I knew her well enough. She had insomnia so bad it was gonna kill her one of these days. "I need you to send a message." I quickly scribbled it down on a piece of paper. "Make haste, please." Desperation cracking through my voice. God, I hate emotions.

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

Gareth rides in at the perfect time. Late enough that everyone's asleep. Early enough that I can be over the border by sunrise. I meet him behind the palace.

"Brother dear." He addressed me. "How much do I get out of this?"

"That all depends on you, Gareth." I hand him a file, "This contains extensive information on everyone you'll be having dealings with, and my plan. Follow everything in this folder to the t, and you'll never have to worry about anything ever again. I'll leave everything I own to you in my will."

"Don't talk like that. You'll come back."

"I certainly hope so. I've slipped Saruman a long-term working poison. It will kill him in 9 years. That's the time I approximate will be appropriate." We switch places, so that he is closest to the palace and I am left standing next to his mountain-elvish horse, a miracle he acquired up North during a nasty mission gone wrong. After a moment of silence, I say, "Where'd Aria go?"

"She stayed at Alyshire. She met a boy."

I laugh. "Well, good for her. Although, I will miss the girl. She was one of the least irritating servants we had." I put a hand on Gareth's shoulder. "There's an entrance on the right that I left unlocked for you. Good luck." I mount the horse.

"Thanks." He says. "And Grima," He says just as I'm about to leave, "Take care of yourself. Take better care of Seraphina."

I nod and ride off; trying to convince myself everything is going to work. _Which is a rather hilarious joke._

__**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**

"So, what you're trying to tell us is that you're a criminal, and you're brother's a criminal. But you're less of a criminal than your borther." Eomer said slowly.

"Science isn't a crime."

"What?"

"It was a sociological experiment I had arranged." I said. "For 3 years, I kept extensive tabs on its progression and then I…. I got distracted." I finished lamely.

"You were going to kill Saruman." Gandalf said, as if he didn't believe I could come up with a plan this devious.

"The idiot was just a pawn, playing someone he thought was his own pawn. The pawn, of course, being me, the mastermind behind this little experiment, then it changed to my brother, due to my failing health. Saruman was supposed to die, Theoden would have returned to normal, I would flee to Sharih in the east and everything would execute exactly how I planned it would. But I can tell, by your attitudes, something went wrong. Very wrong. So, what exactly did my brother do while I was up North, dying?"

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**

**There you are, my dears. More layer-y, scandal-y goodness to come!  
**


	4. The Scandal Part 2

_Grima's going to come back. _It's something I try to convince myself of every night. I know he was tracking me, it was a little obvious. But as of late, it's become less obvious. Almost as if he's stopped. _Don't think about that._

The years fly by. I grow to quite like Saruman.

_He's going to bust you. _He didn't come.

I gave him the antidote to the poison in his body.

_Now he'll come back. _He didn't.

I let Saruman use me to get to Theoden. I let myself be corrupted. I got distracted and destroyed everything.

And my brother never came back.

Finally, after almost a decade, I'm losing hope.

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

The council had told me everything that Gareth had done under _my _name. Damn him. They also told me _why _he died. And how he killed Saruman. Saruman's death didn't really surprise me at all.

"I had a sinking feeling Gareth would die. But I didn't say anything."

"Why not?"

I looked up. "I didn't like what I was doing, but damnit, it had to be finished. And I suppose," I look down again. "Gareth didn't read the file enough, if all you say happened is true."

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

The woman dismounted a mahogany horse on the castle steps. She was tall and lean, with hair slightly darker than Eowyn's, tanned skin, and dark brown eyes. She was dressed fairly nice, but rather business-y. "I'm here to ensure the safety of my brother-in-law." She told the guards, and began to walk towards the doors.

"Have you any weapons?" One asked.

"Yes. And if you try to stop me, I'll show you exactly what they do."

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

Seraphina pushed both front doors open. She always did love to make entrances like that.

"Hello, brother dear." She drawled, walking slowly forward, heels clacking on the stone floors. "So, what part are you at now?"

"Just, wait a minute. Who are you?" Eomer asked.

"Seraphina. I'm this dolt's sister-in-law."

"So, you and Gareth were married." Eowyn stated.

"Yes."

"And how old are you?"

"30."

"You and your husband were _16 _years apart?!" Eomer seemed astounded.

"By human laws you should never have been able to marry." Elrond said.

"Well then the _laws _are WRONG!" Sera laughed coyly and looked up at Eomer.

"Anyway," I interrupt. "We were just at the part where Gareth get kicked out of Edoras for being a twat."

"Oh," she smiled. "Perfect timing for me to be introduced in."

It was the kind of thing a detective would say in a bad crime novel.

"On the way to Isengard Gareth stopped just outside the border for the night." Sera started pacing. "I arrived just in time to see this ordeal take place and I followed him."

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

**I have seriously got to stop it with these damn cliff hangers. But, it's an addiction, and it's the only way to get this into as many parts as I wanted it to be. But still, keep on reading my lovelies!**


	5. The Scandal Part 3

I step out from the treeline into the clearing where Gareth sat. He looks up as I step down on the dry leaves and twigs.

"Sera…" He says.

"Gareth. Hi." I make no move towards him and he stands up.

"What are you doing here?" He didn't move from his spot.

"I heard you slipped Saruman the antidote." I say, and take a step towards him. "You ruined it." I grip the knife clutched in my hand harder, hidden behind my back.

"How did you-"

"Maybe Grima hasn't kept tabs on you for a decade but I _have_." I interrupt.

"So, he's still alive?" I could hear the relief in his voice as he stepped forward, closing the distance between us. "Good." He was silent. "Where the _HELL HAS HE BEEN?!_"

I ignore him, pulling out the knife and handing it to him. "Here's a dagger."

"And what, exactly, am I supposed to do with this?"

"That was Grima's life work and you destroyed it. It's too long in the making, and the situation of this country is so random that there's no point in even bothering to try to repeat it. And there is no way you could ever repay him, wholly, but; killing your best friend is a good start." I begin to walk away.

"No." He says. "I won't do it."

"You _have _to! What do you want me to do? Beg?" I whirl around to face him again.

He hesitates. "Yes." He looks up at me. He looks scared. _He's going to die, _I think.

I'm about to cry. I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. "Please, when the time is right, you _have _to do it." And I leave him alone in the clearing with his fire and Grima's horse. We'd always had a difficult relationship. He only married me to keep me safe, I was betrothed to a violent young man and he still needed me unattached for work, so he married me. And then we went on like we barely knew the other existed. And that worked fine for each of us. But now I can tell he wants me to turn around and be with him, just to talk. One last time. And instead of doing just that, I walk away.

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

A short recess was called. I walked over to the windows at the dining hall and moved a sheet out of the way so I could look outside at the commonwealth. _They're all so simple. It's boring,_ I thought.

Seraphina walks to stand next to me. "He kept waiting for you." She said. "After all those years, hoping you'd switch back with him. So he could have a break. All those years you both wasted and all it's come to is one huge mess."

"This wasn't me." I said.

"But it _was. _It _was _all you. No matter how hard you try to avoid it, you're still the reason they hate you so much, and you're still the reason my husband is dead."

"Gareth died because he lost sight of what he was doing."

"And he lost sight of what he was doing because you left him here for so long that you put him in that position and gave him and option to." Sera said. "The one time in his entire life he _actually _needed you, where the HELL were you, Grima?" I just looked at her.

"I'm sorry. But I can't tell you." She walked away then, and I watched her for a moment. Then, I turned around and walked the other direction.

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

**Stay tuned for 1 more chapter of scandal and some touchy-feely stuff, and then….. and then….. well, I can't say. Got to keep some mystery!**


	6. The Scandal Part 4

_It's time. _I think. I take the dagger from my breastpocket and walk up behind Saruman, remembering Sera's words.

_When the time is right, you _have _to do it._

And I do. I've done it before, killed a wizard. I know exactly where to put it. I stick the dagger between the shoulder blades and tip it up. And right in front of the children. The Fellowship, that really, is no longer a fellowship, takes a step back.

Saruman gasps for air. Blood drips out of the corner of his mouth. "Look at the two of us, Grima." He whispered so that only I could hear. "What a pair we make, eh?" He laughs. "And now you're a killer. I wish I could stab someone in the back in front of God and everybody like you."

I remove the dagger as slowly as possible. "Maybe you could have. One day. But you threatened the life of someone I like and that was a mistake." Of course, I'm referring to Eowyn at Helm's Deep. This time, I put the knife in the lower back where his stomach was. "Now fall and die." I push him out the window, dagger still in him. _What a shame, _I think, _That was a nice dagger._

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

"So passes Saruman the White." I said, as I read the last words in my brother's journal aloud to the council. "What ugly words to end on." I close the cursed book. "You know what happened. Can I go back now?"

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

After much speculation from my self-entitled Wardens, I was allowed to go back with Sera. Eomer walked up to me.

"I still can't believe you made an _experiment _of our _country." _He growled. I just laughed at him. "Maybe you didn't destroy our country yourself, or maybe _you _didn't _actually_ kill all those people that died at the hand of your brother, but I still see right through you. You're just like your brother. And when their backs are turned," Eomer motioned towards Gandalf and the elves. "I'll come for you."

"I would pay to see that." I mounted my horse and winked at him. "Whenever you're ready, come and play."

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

**Now, who wants to know what distracted Grima for a whole decade? Well, too bad you'll have to wait until tomorrow! Very short chapter, I know. **

**P.S- Are the POV's confusing and hard to follow? Or am I just being paranoid?**


	7. An Expected Unexpected Visit

**UGHHHH. First day of school officially over. Time to write. I'm so tired I may just fall asleep typing this….**

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

It was 8 months before Eomer came for me. I was out when he arrived, a particularly rich gentleman a bit West of Alyshire had just offered me a vast sum of money for a relatively easy job of cleaning up the remaining deviants on a political scandal he wanted to keep very secret. I climbed slowly up the steps to the house. It wasn't really mine, it was, however, where my unmarried employees stayed. As a rule. I opened the door, and leaned my sword against the wall next to it, walked into the great room, to find Sera sitting in total silence next to a very neutral Eomer.

"Came back to kill me, eh?"

He just shook his head. "That day," He began quietly. "When we had you tell us what was happening, Seraphina asked you where you were. She just explained to me that you were gone a whole decade. And I want to know where you went."

"We both do." Sera chimed in softly.

"It's not your job to know my life story, Eomer. I've already told you too much about myself. Far more than I'm comfortable you knowing."

"But this is a scandal of royal proportions. If you tell me what I want to know, I will make it worth your while. Think of the publicity."

I laughed, mocking him. "I'm an assassin. The last thing I need is publicity."

"Please." He said. I found this odd. The man never said please when I knew him.

"I was traveling. First, I went East and circled up, then to the West, and then back South to here."

"That took you 10 years?"

"It was a big circle. I knew this world was going to start crumbling. One day, you would need extra armies. So, while Gareth was destroying my work, and your country, I decided to try to repay you for the damage. I walked all around the world and told whole cities a story. The same story for every city. No weapons, no leechcraft, just a story. A story about a man and a ring and a dark lord that would engulf the world in fire and Hell if ever he were to regain his strength. It's going to happen very soon, I told them. And you have to be ready to answer a call to arms.

"But when the time came, only one group remembered my words."

"The riders from Andoerhall." Eomer said to himself. He remembered them. They were'nt a large group, but they were by all means impressive. He got up and walked out to the back balcony, which was only about 20 feet up, hanging off a steep hill the house was built on. I followed him out and for a moment we just stood there. "You mean to tell me," He said. "That this whole time you were attempting to help us?"

I looked at him, and then looked back out over the balcony. Then we both started laughing. It was a bitter laugh at bitter irony, and behind it hid so much history.

"That's shit." Eomer half-whispered, half-chortled.

"Life's shit." I said. And it's true.

"But why'd you do it?" He asked, getting serious.

I stop and think for a moment. This whole ordeal became so screwed up, even I lost sight of the main point. I shrug. "Why does anyone do anything?"

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

**NOTHING IS EVER AS IT SEEMS MY DEARS. There's your pessimistic-y optimistic chapter, I hope you enjoyed it. Now, I'm going to go do something unproductive.**


	8. Chess Games and Misdemeanors

Eomer insisted on staying for a night even though we didn't want him.

Sera stood out on the balcony. She looked so lonely, and I walked up to stand next to her.

"It's different." I said. "I know we didn't speak to him. But just knowing he's gone." I don't show that it bothers me, but Sera smiles then asks,

"Did you love him?"

I sigh. "I know, he was my brother but…. I'm not sure. He'd throw me into the Moria trench for enough coin. Did you?"

She laughs. "No. I don't think I ever even liked him. Not even for a second. In fact, there were days when I hated that man. So, why," she took in a ragged breath. "Why does it hurt so much now that he's gone?" She looked at me, wanting answers.

I looked up at the sky and said nothing, studying the stars. "I don't know." I said. "His phenomenal people skills?" We laughed shortly. "But it is sad." I looked at Sera, who was trying to hide the fact that she was crying.

**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

"So, why exactly are you here, Eomer?" I asked him. It was very late. We were attempting to finish the night's last chess match.

"My curiosity got the best of me and it's dangerous to walk at night, that's it." He moved a rook.

"Wrong." I said, taking the rook with a bishop. "There's something else you want from me. What is it?"

He was silent, moving a knight. I moved a queen.

He laid down his king and looked up. "Have a job for you."

I leaned forward. "Oh?"

"There's a gang leader mixing up some trouble at Edoras…" He began. I cut him off.

"No."

"What?"

"I don't waste my time with petty misdemeanors. Now, it's about 4 am. Leave."

"No, there's more."

I looked at him and dropped my shoulders.

"Eowyn's life has been threatened. Several times."

After a moments reflection, I stood up and grabbed hold of a longsword, slipping it and its sheath into my belt, and a crossbow. "I'll take the job." I said. "I mean, if you have the coin."

"Of course." He said. "At Rohan."

Against my better judgment, we were out of the city by 5:30.

**~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

We stopped in the evening to rest. Eomer slept the whole night, and I sat up, listening to the rather obnoxious sounds of the forest resonate through the trees. I hate the country.

He finally woke up. "You're awake early." He observed sleepily.

"I'm awake still."

"You didn't sleep?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't trust you." I say simply. "Now let's go."

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

**This is probably going to turn out a really long story….**

**Anyway, Hannah, if you're reading this, thank you for finally reading this.**

**Sorry if this seemed boring or anything, because little to no effort was actually invested in this. And if you did think it was good, totally disregard what I just said, I slaved over it for 3 hours. **

**R&R MY LOVLIES!**


	9. Back at Rohan

**Helooo friends! Today, I have every intention of wiping out this thing whilst simultaneously typing an AP lit paper. Let's see how great this works out! Oh, and Ivanna, fear not, your creeperishness bothers me not. You should see me with some of my friends.**

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

At Rohan, nothing ever changes. Everything looked the same. Probably one of the reasons I left. It was sucking the life out of me. By now, Sera was probably on her way. I'd settled into a spare room, and rarely touched base there, having spent so much time searching for this so-called gang leader. But, it was very late, about 3, and even my fatigue clouded mind could still pick up the light footfalls of what was probably elves. And I was ready for them. They were just inside my door. And it only took them 2 weeks.

Through my door they came, while I stood at the back of the room fingering a Karambit Gareth gave me just before I left for Rohan the first time, when I was 15. I lept forward, grabbing the first through the door because, honestly, they're elves, of course they have weapons. I turned his back to me, looped my left arm through his to point the karambit at his carotid artery, and pinned his right hand behind his back. Only then did I look up to see I held none other than Lord Celeborn, that the elf-lady Galadriel, Lord Elrond, and some young-ish looking Lothlorien elf holding a traditional elvish bow, wheras I held their leader and was in no position to make a move for my cross bow so I whisper, so only they can hear me, "Shoot me and the Elf-king dies a really rather slow, painful death, I can assure you."

Lord Elrond pointed the young elf's bow towards the ground and I, reluctantly, released Celeborn.

"You're quick." He said, stepping back towards me, which has to be the dumbest thing I've ever seen anyone do.

"World class assassin." I told him, gripping my knife tighter. "It's kind of in the job description. So, you lot sneak into the castle at Edoras, waving your weapons around like Jesus Christ himself, let me guess why you're here. You're going to kill me."

"We know what you're trying to do." Elrond said. "Weasel your way back into Edoras."

"Oh." I say, pausing a moment. "Oh, I see. You think because my brother destroyed an entire country that I'm here to do that too, right?"

They were silent. I began speaking again, "Wrong. Nothing to do with me. And you know, I've grown rather accustomed to living. So, please, leave."

"Then what exactly," Celeborn took a step towards me a bit too quick, and I was already on edge from the elvish break-in that just happened, that I reacted on instinct.

And Celeborn just so happened to have a knack for "Falling" out of windows.

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

**Sorry if that seemed a bit OOC for the elves to break in with the intention of a castle onslaught. However, I wouldn't put it past Grima to throw elves out of windows so there. **

**Now for the first of 5 AP Lit essay paragrphs, and then a new chapter. Stay tuned!**


	10. Renewed Faith

"Have you found them yet?" Eomer asked me the next day. He was very closely following my progress on tracking this gang of miscreants.

"Actually, I was just on the cusp of breakthrough when the royal house of Valar over here burst through my door and almost killed me." I told him motioning to the elves.

"Well, what were we supposed to think? When you enlist in the help of Grima Wormtongue-" I interrupted Elrond with a groan.

"If anyone on earth still cares, my surname's not _actually _Wormtongue." I said and sat down casually on the table top of the only piece of furniture in the throne room not being occupied. It was to Eomer's left, and halfway to the door from the beginning of the long room. "What a cruel world that would be."

"Then, what is it?"

I don't even turn towards the elves. "Constantine."

I heard them gasp, and murmur a few things to themselves. "That cannot be true." I could not hear which one said it, because I wasn't facing them.

Eomer looked confused and I smiled. "Time for a history lesson.

"Once upon a time, there was an elfish-king named Gil-Galad. He once had an illegitimate Granddaughter, unlikely as it seems. Her name was Constantina. She married a bloke with the surname 'Platageneitte'. Natural born killers, those two were. And it's very dangerous to put too many of those in one family. So after a civil feud between the two, and, by civil feud I mean they tried to kill each other, the family split. Half took Constantina's side, and became the order of Constantine. The other side, the order of Platageneitte. So, guess who's standing right in front of you, as one of the last living members of said order of Constantine?"

"So you have elfish blood in you." Eomer observed.

"Yeah, of course." I said. "It's why I'm so damn good." I laughed. "And why I was fast enough and strong enough to throw that guy out of a window."

"Then I believe you'll be able to predict what I'm going to say to you next." He said.

"What, to respect my Eldars? Ha!" I looked around to see that no one was amused. "Oh, come on, that's hilarious." I shook my head and turned back to Eomer.

"Go out there, and get your guy."

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

Eomer's renewed faith in me wasn't wholly without cause. Getting in wasn't exactly easy but it wasn't the most challenging thing I've ever done. Then, I was waiting outside in some dark, gloomy hallway to see the boss.

I was beckoned into an even darker, gloomier room. I rolled my eyes and muttered "ridiculous" to myself.

"Well, well, well. This is a surprise." The voice coming from the darkness was husky, but definitely a woman's. "The last person on earth I would expect to see. Gareth Constantine." She paused, walking into the dim light. She smiled wildly at me. "But you aren't Gareth, are you? That's pathetic. The kid can't face me himself, so he sends his kid brother to do his leg work for him."

"Gareth is dead, Antionia." I said. "I've been hired by a completely different person for a wholly different reason."

"But now that I'm behind it, you're reconsidering."

I said nothing and walked out of the house. Because, for no amount of money, will I be the cause of death for Antionia Platageneitte.

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

**Duh duh duhhhhhhhh! Time for more AP Lit.**


	11. Surprise

**Sorry, guys…**

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

It started with him coming to my room to apologize for me almost getting shot by elves.

"Don't be sorry. Because it's not your fault. Won't you come in?" I let him inside the room. "Please," I said, "Sit."

"I'm not going to sit, Grima." He said.

I shrugged and sat on the only couch in the simply furnished room. He took a step towards me. "You threw Celeborn out of a window yesterday." He laughed.

I sniffed. "Yeah…"

"I don't know if that's bravery or stupidity." He put one hand on the arm of the chair, the other on the back and leaned over me.

I tried to act calm. "I don't see why the two have to be mutually exclusive." He moved in closer and closer until our face were a centimeter away. I knew what was coming next but it still took me surprise when he practically smashed his face into mine. For a moment, I'm convinced I kissed him back, but then pushed his away. "Don't get me wrong, because, I love it, I think it's hilarious." I said, barely looking at him. "But, I'm not actually gay. And-"

"Right, neither am I." He kissed me again, pushing me down on the sofa, which I rolled off of from underneath him.

"And there's like, 30 plus people in _this_ castle alone that I'm sure would love to-"

He cut me off again, and this time I shoved him against the wall and crossed the room as fast as possible. "You know, I'm starting to get pissed off getting interrupted all the time." He sat down. "Now, there's something I need to tell you, that will probably make you vastly reconsider your actions."

"It probably wouldn't take much at this point."

"I can't kill that gang leader."

"And why not?" He began to look alarmed.

"Because, she's smarter than I am." I paused while he mouthed 'she?' to himself. "And her name is Antionia Platageneitte. I have to kill my cousin. And I can't."

"You pick _now _to have a conscience?"

"_I_ ALWAYS had a conscience!" I yelled at him. We were both silent for a moment. And then, without word, Eomer got up and left my room. Probably to take care of his problem. About an hour later he popped back in and told me that if I wasn't going to take care of the culprit, then I was now Eowyn's bodyguard.

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

**AGGGHH!HH! I'm a bad person, someone get me help. For whatever reason, I am hellbent on having "Surprise gays."…**

**Sorry this didn't get finished today. I got sidetracked.**


	12. Peryteacha

**New chapter, yayyyy! And Ivanna! Come back! I miss you! *breaks out into a chorus of 'Baby Come Back'*!**

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

So, for what felt like forever but was really only about a week, I followed pretty well every last one of Eowyn's footsteps. Needless to say she was more than a bit pissed off at having a body guard, going on and on every hour of everyday about how Eomer was over reacting and how she could take care of herself from intruders, professionally trained elfish assassins or not. And I kept replying that it would take a miracle for her to avoid being completely destroyed by those guys.

At the end of the week, she finally said to me, "It's obviously going to take more than a sword to beat these elves. I saw them fight today. I need you to teach me how to fight like that.

I took her to my room and pulled my Peryteacha out of my bag. It was a long, neat, slender sword. Very light weight. I handed it to her. "This is a Peryteacha, it originates from the legendary city, and my homeland, Carysdul. It is the Carysamb word for 'dangerous'. It is light, fast, and hell of a lot easier than that huge Claymore warriors of Rohan insist on carrying about."

"You can't give me this." She said.

"I have a spare. Now, swing it about a few times, see how it feels." She did so and tried to hide the smile on her face. I grabbed the spare. "Now, fight me." I had a considerably tough time beating her considering it was her first time, but I eventually got it out of her hands. "You'll have to do better than that. Again."

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

"Well, Eowyn, I've taught you everything I think you're ready for. I still have to follow you around and everything, but life in the palace will probably be a bit more lax." Three weeks of training and she was ready to take on Antionia's lackeys. I walked her to her door. "Have a good night." I started to walk away and I heard a soft,

"Grima, wait."

When I turn around, the first thing that happens to me is I'm shoved against a wall and the only thing I can think of is,_ My God, it's just sex, sex, sex, with you people all the time, isn't it?_

I push her away. "That's not exactly how it works."

"We haven't had the best history," She said, our faces only about a half inch apart. "But, I mean, back then all I saw was Gareth, and now, you're on our side, all I see is… you."

I take a deep breath. "I'm not on your side." I said. "I'm not a bad guy, it doesn't mean I'm a good one." I flipped our positions so she was standing next to the wall. "I heard from Eomer, what happened between you and Gareth all those years. He's never acted like that. Towards anybody. He would have done anything for you, I swear."

"How'd you get him to tell you that?"

"You aren't the only royalty that's developed a crush on me."

She looked surprised. "You two….?"

I laughed. "Who the Hell knows, or cares?" I back away from her, into the middle of the hallway.

"And what about you? You said Gareth would have done anything for me but you?"

I take one more step back, looking at her half-heartbroken face. "This is for breaking my brother's heart." And I left Eowyn, the whit lady of Rohan, alone in the palace corridors in silence.

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

**I just had to….**

**Anyway, Review, and I will give you an e-cookie. C'mon, you know you want one!**


	13. I Will

**YAY! Ivanna's back! Since you're pretty well 85.5% of my readership. *gives cookie* And Reptilia is a good song!**

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

I closed the door as quietly as possible, leaning against the frame and taking a deep breath.

"You've pretty much shown your hand there, Gareth." Drawled a voice in the dim, dying light. I turned around to find a small, black haired woman sitting in the chair parallel to the door.

"Antionia." I said, coming around the chair across from her, but I don't sit down. "How'd you get in?"

She laughed. "You of all people should know the door isn't the only way into a room."

"Why'd you call me Gareth?"

She squints at me. "I forgot your name." She lifted a hand to inspect her nails.

I thought for a moment. "It's me, Lucian."

"Liar, you're not Lucian. It starts with a G…" She absentmindedly chewed on her nails.

"It's Grima."

"That's it!" Her eyes lit up for a moment. "Grima… You should honestly have called a redo."

"Too late now, isn't it? So, why are you doing this to Rohan? The country's suffered enough trouble, what are you planning?"

"To take Carysdul back in the name of Platageneitte."

I laughed mockingly at her. "From Rohan?"

"I need people to fear me. I need followers. I need Eomer to fear me. Killing his sister, probably the only way to do it. There isn't any stopping me."

"The order of Constantine has Carysdul under control."

"_The order of Constantine_ had the city gravity-locked."

I stopped to think for a moment. "I can help you. You wouldn't have to kill anyone, and I can talk to my brothers."

"No you can't." She laughed. "Now, in the morning, someone's dying. I _will make_ Rohan fight for me to take back Carysdul." She walked slowly to the balcony doors. "Goodnight, Grima." And she silently slipped out into the night.

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

**This chapter is so short it makes me sick. But, it was necessary. There's something I want to happen but I don't want it in league with this chapter. So! Here you are! Probably will update this one pretty quick though. Thursday, if not today. I've got a thing on Wednesday. Farewell until then!**

**TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR AN ALL NEW CHAPTER OF I CHEATED DEATH!**


	14. I Forgive You

**Mwahahaha! I'm back! And it's only been…. Say…. 20 minutes. I need a life. Oh wait! THIS is my life! Haha, that's a joke, I do have better stuff to do but I just don't feel like it.**

**Oh! And you'll see a bit of this little made up language I cooked up just for this fic! Who's excited? I'm excited!**

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

It rained that day. She was hiding in the rafters. I kept a sword glued to my side all day. I knew she was going to drop. I didn't know when.

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

I drew my sword at mid-morning, when Antionia dropped from the ceiling. She put herself close to an unoccupied corner where no one could sneak around her back. Tension filled the room.

"The once-great city of Carysdul has fallen." She said.

"'Twas made by mixed breeds, and is run by mutts, that is its problem." Elrond said to her. It took every ounce of self-control I had not to face-palm.

"In your old-elfish legends its diversity was its strength." She spat at him, then turned to Eomer, pointing her crossbow at Eowyn, whom I moved to stand in front of. "I need men."

"I will give you men. If you lower your bow."

"I can't. I don't just need men. I need fear, too. I want you to remember me as the elf who beat Rohan." I'm going to die soon. I wonder where Sera is, and if she's safe. Antionia cocked the crossbow. "And this is how it starts."

The sound of a bolt whizzing through the air filled the room. I was met with a sharp pain in my side. Not just one bolt. One hit me. I can hear another. My vision blurs, then focuses in on one face. Seraphina. Standing in a window, wide eyed and absolutely terrified looking.

"The doors." I heard her whisper. "The doors. Open the… the…" She breathed. All she ever did for me was leg work. Fetch this person, file this, make drinks. And she did so happily. But she'd never killed anyone.

Antionia was pinned to the wall by an exceptionally long bolt, struggling to stay standing. I tried to get up, but was pushed back down by Elrond, who was trying to look at an exceptionally large hole ripped out of my side. I swatted his hands away and tried to get up again. "Don't touch me."

"Grima, your ribs are showing."

"It's alright, I'm fine." I staggered over to Antionia, gasping for air and trying vainly to tug the bolt out of her bloodied body. She looked at me.

"Gri-Grima." She stammered.

"Shhhhh…." I laid my forearm across her chest and eased the bolt out of her bleeding form, then let her slide easily down the wall.

"Byddmhaith kuollut y dame a bhfuil harddwch tappoi brawd. Ydwnko myndag i kuolen, Grima?" _(You would have died for the dame whose beauty killed your brother. Am I going to die, Grima?) _She asked me in Carysamb, the language of our homeland. Everyone thinks I came from Rohan. I came from so much farther away.

"Níl wyfdä gwybod." _(I don't know.) _I told her, placing the bolt lightly aside.

She grabbed the front of my shirt aggressively. "_Peidiwch_ valehtele liom, Grima." _(_Don't_ lie to me, _

_Grima.)_

"Tás." _(Yes.)_

"En hyd a gwybod cad sanoa." _(I don't even know what to say.) _She sobbed.

"You don't have to say anything." I told her. I leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. "Maithim sinulle." _(I forgive you.)_

And then everything went black.

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~**

**But oh no! This is not the end! We're getting close, though.**

**Languages are fun.**

**If anyone's at home actually trying to pronounce this, it would help to know that I mixed Finnish, Welsh, and Galic and their respective phonetic rules for Carysamb. **


	15. The Once Great City of Carysdul

**Thanks for the compliment on my language, Ivanna! And, I will be taking a short break between the ending of this fic and the start of my next, which will be a great time to make some friends on this site.**

**Anyway, there's a story that needs typing.**

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

I woke up wanting to see something other than the dark bland walls of the palace at Edoras. But of course that's what I saw. My side was bandaged so tight I could hardly breathe. I sat up, thinking for a moment about what Antionia said about Carysdul. I wondered what on Earth would possess my brothers to gravity-lock the city. I then stood up, and began to organize my things.

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

"I regret to inform you that you are in no status to travel." Elrond told me. I stood, all packed, ready to leave, at the foot of the throne and the elves and Eowyn were gathered around Eomer who sat there.

"I regret to inform you that it doesn't make a difference." I said. "Earlier, Antionia told me something about Carysdul. The city's been gravity-locked. Do you know what that means? It means that my city is dying. A gravity-lock is supposed to be the last resort for defense. I _have_ to go see what drove my brothers to this." I began to walk towards the doors.

"Grima, wait." I heard Eomer say.

I turned around to see him sitting up slightly. "Eomer, for the sake of all that is good and pure on this Earth we have not already tarnished, do not try to talk me out of leaving."

He relaxed and feel back down on the backrest of the throne. "Okay." I turned back around to walk again.

"Then I'll go with you." I stopped for a moment, but did not turn around.

"Eowyn. Don't."

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

The city was made of white gold and polished silver. In the sunset, the city gleamed in the red light and the granite mountains it hid behind sparkled. The grass was a deep, dark green. There were no trees near the city. It obstructed the view of the outside world. The city was made by men, is kept by men, and is by elfish standards beautiful. When I arrived, it was sunset. I took note not to expect the once great view of the city's glory. The gravity-lock blocked out a certain amount of light from reaching the city. So at sunset, the translucent grey glow of the square gravity-lock trumped out all other light.

I missed this city. I was determined to see it restored after coming so close to falling. I would see it done. Despite the dull tingling in my side.

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

**Dun dun duuuuuun. I'm excited for this.**


	16. The Rotting Lock

I rode slowly towards the city gates.

"Halt!" A sentry shouted at me.

"What for?"

"No one gains passage through the lock."

"I was born here."

"Do you have a certificate?"

I looked at him. "What's your name?"

He hesitated. "Daoirgge." He said.

"Well, my name is Grima Constantine. And I'm here to pay a visit to my brothers."

"You died."

I smiled. "No I didn't. Now open up."

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

The inside of the city was more magnificent than the outside. I knew the place well. The Singular government building laid dead center and was the tallest building. This place was too quiet, though. The population seemed to have depleted. I had not seen my brothers since I was a teenager. My three youngest brothers had since become adults and were governing a city. Needless to say my heart broke when I saw them, dressed in the high-collared, deep blue and silver clothing that was almost exclusively the dress code of the city. They looked like elfish Lords. And instead of greeting them like family often does, I started out with this:

"Lucian, the city is dying, the lock's not doing any good. You have to shut it down." I told him.

"Why? There's a war going on, we need to protect ourselves."

"The war is over." I said. "The ring was destroyed, the Dark Lord fell, and the land of Mordor is the most desolate it's ever been. We're safe."

Lucian stopped to think for a moment, he exchanged a knowing look with Invictus and Benedictus, and turned back to me with the most helpless look on his face. "We don't know how to turn it off. It's been wearing down, that's the only reason you were able to get in, but it's been doing so very slowly. All we've been doing is hoping some of us will survive long enough to keep the city somewhat alive. But with no trade, we have no medicine, and very little food."

"Maybe I could try to find a way."

Invictus furrowed his brow, "Gareth, you look pretty banged up, are you all right?"

I stand. "I'm not Gareth. He died."

"What a shame." Benedictus said. "He was my favorite."

Invictus laughed. "Not your own twin?"

I staggered a bit, I heard Lucian say my name softly, while the twins continued to argue.

"I shared an enclosed space with you for nine months, I was already tired of you before I could form coherent sentences.

And, once again, darkness fell upon me.

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

I woke up in a spare room at my childhood home. Lucian sat by my bedside, reading.

"How long was I out?"

He closed his book. "A few hours."

I muttered, "Shit" under my breath and looked up. "What's happening to me, Lucian?"

"You have a rare infection, on that cut on your ribs."

"Treat it, then."

"I told you, no medicine." He said. "But there is hope. It's a very slow-acting virus. Any breath you take could be you last, or you could have a few years left. 10, even. But you never know."

"So, what do I do?"

"Hope. Pray that you'll live long enough to see the gravity-lock dismantle so we can get the treatment you need."

"Lucian, I'm going to the library."

"I would suggest you take it easy."

"There's something I have to do."

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

**Almost over, I promise. Come back to find out what Grima needs to do that's so dang important and why Carysdul is so awesome like that!**


	17. Grima's End

I turned the Comm on and waited for it to connect, standing back from it a moment. It finally came through to the throne room at Edoras.

"Grima!" Eowyn called. She moved to hug me but I held up a hand.

"I'm not real. I'm at the library in Carysdul. I'm just a projection."

"How'd you do that?" Eomer asked. "You look real."

"Many think Carysdul was so great because of the diversity within, the fashion, the people. But that's not it. We're great for our technology. Where the Hell do think we got a gravity-lock from? Just pulled it out of our asses? Do you even know what a gravity-lock is?

"There's more out there than just Middle Earth. But that's not the point. This is my goodbye."

"But we were just about to send for you. We had another job."

I smiled. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"Got an infection. Might not live long enough. What was it?"

"Someone's been trying to pick up where Antionia left off."

I laughed mockingly at Eomer. "Alright, who the Hell knows about you, Eomer, but if anyone in this palace cares, my brother, and my cousin, who _was _my best mate as a kid, both just dies because of me. It's all my fault, it is. And here I am, liaison-ing with their worst enemies, and I hate myself, and I can't even begin to think of how to forgive myself. But I guess it's better than having you lot hate me so-"

"Are we ever going to see you again?" Eowyn asked.

"Maybe. One day. The gravity lock is deteriorating, and this infection I have is slow moving and unpredictable. Any breath I take could be my last. Or I might live years. But I don't know."

"What do we do while we wait to see?"

"Go back to your ordinary lives. Wait for the lock to die, wait for Carysdul to share all this technology with the rest of the world. Wait for men to change this world, and hope that I live to see it too. And remember me, if I don't."

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

Everyone dies, often in unremarkable ways. Bit by a rabid dog, poisoned, died in a bar fight. But I feel like my death was actually quite remarkable. And not many people get the chance to die twice.

My name is Grima Constantine. Son of Lucian Constantine I and Admana Fowler-Constantine. Brother to Gareth, Gabriel, Lucian II, Invictus, and Benedictus Constantine.

And this is the story of how I died.

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

**There we are! El Fin! **

**ALTHOUGH! Might do an epilogue, if you lot will have it.**


	18. Epilogue

**Tada! Epilouge, since Ivanna was so nice as to demand one be written. Lol.**

**Here goes:**

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

It had been nine years since it was finished. Serenada Constantine closed it delicately and placed it back up on the shelves of the library where it belonged.

"So, how did you get here, then, mother?" The eight year old asked her mother. "I don't see anything written about you."

Seraphina smiled. "I went looking for him. After he came here and didn't go back to Alyshire, all his employees disbanded. I had no direction or plan. So I went to him."

"How old was he when he died?"

"He was 40. He died when you were four." A look of bittersweet nostalgia crossed her face. "You should have seen Lucian when your uncle died. Your father was a mess of all sorts." She stopped and sighed for a moment. "He was always so positive, your uncle. Didn't care he was dying." Seraphina led her daughter to the window. They looked up at the barely translucent and still quickly fading sheet of grey above them. New holes were being torn into it every second. They had, literally, minutes. "All he wanted was to see the gravity-lock destroyed. Shame he died before he could." Sera sighed. "It shouldn't be long now."

**O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O**

**There's the epilogue that was swimming around in my head.**

**I'm gonna take a quick break, I'll come back around in a few weeks with a Harry Potter fic and I'm excited.**

**Ivanna, you've been great.**

**See you in a few weeks FF universe!**


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